Just Keep Breathing
by TVaddict023
Summary: This takes place after the season three finale. What if Nathan hadn't woken up right away? What if he slipped into a coma for a few years and is just now waking up? A lot has changed while he has been asleep. Friendships were broken along the way. Can everyone find their way back to happy?
1. Chapter 1

"So I need to tell you something." I don't bother lifting my attention from the math problems in front of me and wait for him to continue.

"Haley." Something in the way he says my name makes me nervous. I put the pencil down and raise a questioning eyebrow. "Nathan is awake."

Awake. He said awake. Oh my God. This wasn't going to happen. The doctors told me that. That it may be better to just pull the plug. Let him go. They told me he was already gone. That at this point, that two years later, I was just holding on to false hope. So many people told me it was time. But it was my decision. I am his wife. And I couldn't let him go.

"I'm sorry. Can you say that again? I'm not sure I heard you right." Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating this moment like the hundreds of times I have before. Have I gone so crazy waiting and hoping that my wishful thinking has escaped from just my mind?

"He's awake Hales. Nathan is really awake."

"We need to go see him. Now. I can't drive. I can't think, God I can barely breathe. We need to go. Now."

I grab my purse and slip on my flip flops and practically run to the door. He isn't following me. Doesn't he understand how important this is?

"Do you want me to grab him?" Oh my God Jamie. We need to bring Jamie with us. What kind of mother almost leaves her son?

"No, I think that's too much. I'll call Quinn. She will come over. I don't know what Nathan is going to be like. After all this time. He doesn't even know about Jamie. It's too much."

I can feel the panic rising. What is Nathan going to be like? Will it be like he woke up after just a night of sleep? Will he remember me? Will he remember everything? What will he think of how everything is now? Oh God, will Lucas be there? Yep, that's definitely panic. Nathan is awake. Nathan. is. Awake.

"Haley. Haley, breathe. It's gonna be okay." Chase wraps his arms around me and pulls me close as I try to breath. Nathan is awake. I should be feeling happy. Unbelievably happy. But I just feel terrified.

The drive to the hospital, one that I have done at least once a week for the past two years takes 27 minutes on average. It could be quicker, if I took the bridge, but I never do. Chase knows enough not to take the bridge.

The accident feels like a lifetime ago. Standing on the edge of that bridge screaming for my husband. Begging for help. Praying for anyone to drive by and help me. I didn't want him to jump in. But I knew he would. His uncle was there. Rachel was there. Ugh, just thinking her name makes me want to scream.

It all plays in slow motion. Lucas jumping in after them. Nathan's body washing up on shore. The ambulance showing up after so much time had passed. The pacing in the hospital room. The waiting. The people slowing down with their sad faces to take in the bride on her wedding day. The pity in their eyes surrounding me. All the waiting. I really thought that he would wake up. I thought that doctor would come into the waiting room to tell me that he was fine. That he was going to be just fine.

But things don't ever seem to work out the way I want them too. The doctor did come to the waiting room eventually. To say that there was a complication with the surgery. That they hoped he would wake up. That they weren't sure. We would have to wait and see. So I did. I waited. I waited by his bed for a days. For what felt like forever. He didn't wake up.

I have made this drive countless times over the past two years. I have sat by his bed telling him every detail of my life. Telling him that I love him. I have made this drive so many times. This is the first time in over a year that I have made it with any hope of what I would find when I got there.

"Okay. We're here Hales. Do you want to go in alone?" He knew the answer. I always visited Nathan alone. It was so much easier to pretend that way.

"Yeah. I'll go alone." I swung the car door open ready to run. "Chase." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Don't go far okay? I don't know what I'm going to find in there. I'm going to need you."

He smiled and gave me an encouraging nod. I knew he would be staying there all day even if I hadn't asked.

"Good luck."

I pushed those doors open and walked the familiar pathway to his room. I've done this so many times. I still don't fully believe that I will find him awake in there.

Room 237. This is it. His room. I wish the door was open. So I could get a glimpse of what I am walking in to. Nathan is awake. An hour ago that was the only information I needed. Now I have a thousand questions racing through my mind. I'm scared. Terrified. My hand is clutching the door knob and I can't turn it. I'm not ready. What if he isn't Nathan? What if the man that woke up is not the same man I remember smiling at me on our wedding day. There was so much talk of his brain function throughout the past two years. What if he's not even in there?

I taste the tears before I feel them. I can't believe that I am crying. I never cry. Not anymore. There is too much to do, not enough time for tears. But here they are. I can't go in there crying. That can't be the first way that he sees me. It can't.

I let go of the door knob and ignore those same pitying eyes of strangers as I bee line to the bathroom. I just need to get a hold of myself. I need to be strong. Nathan needs me.

Okay. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. I know how to do this. I can do this. I wet paper towels and hold them on my face. No more tears. Just breathe.

"Haley?" I don't have to lift the paper towels to know who's voice that is. I shouldn't be surprised that she is here, but I am. She sounds nervous. I guess she should be.

"Peyton."

"Are you okay?" Its a stupid question really. Of course I'm not. I'm crying a hospital bathroom when I should be running to my husbands room.

"No." She nods her head but doesn't move closer. Smart girl. "Have you seen him?"

She shakes her head. Thank God. I couldn't handle if she had seen him before me. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. I should be in there right now. I should've been first.

"Um. Lucas is in there now." Shit. "I wanted to give them time alone." Lucas. I don't want to see Lucas.

"Yeah." I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do at all. Of course her and Lucas are here. And his parents will be. And Cooper, maybe even Rachel. His friends. Everyone will be here. Word spreads fast in Tree Hill.

She looks the same, just sadder, than the last time I saw her. It makes sense, it feels like a lifetime has gone by, but it hasn't. Or maybe it has. Because as soon as I walk through that door and see Nathan a new lifetime will begin. I just wish I knew what it was going to be.

I don't say anything else. I just turn around and walk away. I'm ready now. Nathan is awake. He needs me.

 _Nathan, Don't._

 _I love you Hales._

 _Nathannnnn._

I hear those words echoing as I force myself back to his door. I thought those were going to be our last words. They aren't.

237\. No turning back this time. I turn the knob, I hold my breath and I push it open.

No Lucas. That's one good sign. His eyes aren't open. That's not a good sign.

Did I dream it? Did my wishes finally make their way into my reality? No. He is awake. Jake told me. Peyton said Lucas was here. He has to be awake.

"Nathan? Nathan, baby open your eyes." Nothing. I grab his hand and draw circles on it like I have everytime before. "Please. Just open your eyes." The tears are back. Guess that trip to the bathroom was wasted. "Nathan." Please. "Nathan." God just open them. "NATHAN."

"He is awake. I talked to him. He is awake." The perfect words coming from the wrong person. He is awake. Lucas doesn't come into the room. Just stands in the doorway staring. I feel Nathan's hand move. Not because I picked it up. Because he moved it. He moved it.

"Nathan?" His beautiful blue eyes flutter open and look at me. He is awake.

Nathan is awake.

"Haley."

"Say it again."

"Haley."

"I never thought that I would hear you say those words again." He smiles.

"I missed you." He always knows what to say to just cut right through to my heart.

"I missed you too. God Nathan I love you. I love you so much. I can't believe – I just never thought- I can't believe I'm talking to you again. You're here. You're actually here." I bury my head in his shoulder and let him hold me as a sob. Being in his arms again is unimaginable. It never felt this good, even in my dreams. I would stay in this moment forever if I could. In this miracle.

"Luke. Come in." Lucas must still be standing there in the doorway. Stuck in the threshold. He has to come in now. Nathan doesn't know anything that's happened in the past two years. Doesn't know how different it all is now. Does he even know how long it has been? Who else has talked to him?

"I don't want to interrupt. I'll come back." I've laid myself down next to him now, cuddled in the bed. I don't want him to interrupt either. But he is Nathan's brother and he needs to be here. I know that.

"No, you should stay." He knows I don't really mean it but comes into the room anyways.

"So, two years, what did I miss?" So he does know. That is a relief. I didn't want to tell him. I don't want to do anything but lay here in his arms.

Neither of us says anything at first. Where do I start? Should I blurt out just moments after being reunited with him that he has a son? That I went through nine months of pregnancy and a painful labor without him? That his son walks and talks and has seen him every week of his life? Maybe I should ease in. There is no script here. So I don't want to say anything. I just want to lay in his arms forever.

"A lot."


	2. Chapter 2

A lot. Yeah that about covers it. We don't say much more. The nurse comes in to check his vitals. The doctor comes in to tell us about the miracle of him waking up. The miracle he told me had a 1% chance of happening. The miracle he told me to stop hoping for. He never thought this day would come. He thought that the best thing for me, for his family, was to turn off the machines and move on. To let him go. He doesn't say any of this now. Now he is all smiles and talking about this miracle.

I don't say any of that either. I hold Nathan's hand and smile with him as the doctor who wanted me to kill him talks about how he is now. He is awake. This I obviously know. His vitals are strong. He doesn't need to be hooked up to the machines anymore. He doesn't need to be in the hospital anymore. He can go home.

The first few weeks, as I sat by Nathan's side, back when every one was still hopeful about his condition, I was told that if he wakes up, he could just be himself again. The nurses who I came to know told me stories of how they have had patients who opened their eyes and were just themselves again. That their coma gave them the chance to rest and heal and by the time they woke up, they were fine. They didn't tell me the other stories. The ones of the people who never woke up, or who woke up wrong. They spun me the fairytale. I got the fairytale.

I'm just waiting to wake up myself. To find out that this was just an elaborate dream. Its not. Nathan is awake. And I am going to take him home. As soon as I fill out all the appropriate paper work. I don't want to leave the room. Don't want to leave Nathan. Definitely don't want to leave him with Lucas. What will he tell him about the "a lot" that has happened?

"I guess I should go get all that out of the way now. So we can go home." I give Nathan a kiss. Our first in years. Its not as romantic as I hoped, with people watching and my mind racing. But it still feels like it did before.

"I love you Hales."

"I love you too." It takes everything I have to get up and walk away from my husband. But there are things that need to be done. Things that I need to do. If there is anything that I have learned in the last few years it is that sometimes emotions need to be pushed aside to get things done.

The paperwork takes much longer than I want it to. All the discussion of the bills and the check ups and on and on. But finally it is done. All that is left is to take him when he is ready. When we are both ready.

I can't take him home until I tell him that he has a son. I know that. What I don't know is how to tell him. I think he will be happy. I hope he will be. But there has to be some shock, some sadness that will come with it too. Should I have brought Jamie? He will want to meet him right away. I don't know why I doubted that before. As soon as I say, "Nathan, you have a son" he will ask to see him. To hold him.

I detour to the waiting room to see Chase. He can call Quinn and she will bring Jamie.

As soon as I turn the corner I realize what a mistake that was. I didn't take into account who may be in the waiting room. Chase is there, of course, sitting alone waiting for me. Peyton is still here. Waiting for Lucas I'm sure. I thought Deb would be here but I guess even Nathan waking up isn't enough to get her to put the pill bottle down and show up. No Dan of course. It isn't like they give day passes from jail for murders. Another thing I get to explain to Nathan. That his dad killed his uncle.

There are the people I am relieved are here. Tim, Fergie, Junk, Skills, Bevin, and Cooper. I don't even know what to say, I just offer them a small smile as I scan past them. The people I am not sure how to feel about. Karen, Andy, Mouth, and Millie. And then there are the people I can't stand to look at. Peyton. And Rachel.

Rachel. How dare that bitch show up here? Looking sad and lost as if she isn't the reason all of this happened. As if she isn't the one to blame. I want to hold it together. Want to be strong for Nathan. But I am so tired of being strong.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The room quiets. So many eyes are on me. Everyone's except hers. I storm over to her and grab her by her arm yanking her out of her seat. "Get out." She rips her hand from mine and meets my eyes.

"Haley, I just wanted to -"

"I don't care what you wanted. Get out." She doesn't move. My heart is beating so fast in my chest that I feel like it might explode. "Rachel. Leave. Now."

"I need to see him. To see that he is okay." To see that he is okay. He wouldn't need to be checked on if she hadn't driven a fricken limo off a bridge after screwing and stalking his uncle.

"NO." Its loud and harsh. Good. "You will never see him." I am not buying this sad little Rachel act.

"But Nathan -"

"Don't you say his name. Don't you EVER say his name. You did this! You don't get to be sorry. You don't get to check on him. You don't get to be here." I see Chase stand up and start walking towards me. I see Peyton stand too. No one else moves. I think they are too afraid to.

"Haley."

"Get. Out." She doesn't move and I reach to grab her arm and remove her myself.

"Haley leave her alone." I hear Peyton's voice and its like I'm shot back in time to the first time we had this fight.

"Stay out of it Peyton." She comes over and takes her traitorous spot next to Rachel.

"No. Its been two years Haley. Let it go. It was an accident."

"An accident? Was it an accident that she lied to Cooper about who she was? Was it an accident that she ruined my wedding with that ridiculous and selfish toast? Was it an accident that she stole our limo? That she lied about being pregnant? That she grabbed that wheel? Which part was the accident? Huh? You defending her is hilarious. Really. When has any of the evil manipulative bullshit that she has pulled been an accident." I can feel myself spiraling out of control. Two years has passed but it feels like no time has moved at all. We are still here. Fighting this fight. "Was it an accident when she got you drunk and dumped you in your best friends boyfriends room at the Classic? Although looking back I am sure you didn't really mind that at all, did you?" I go for the low blow. That's who I am now.

"Haley-" She wants to defend herself. But I am not done.

"I want to ask how you can defend her. How you could have taken her side over me. How you could still be friends with her while you let our friendship crumble. But I don't need to ask. Because its obvious. You are just like her. A liar. A backstabber. A bitch." She doesn't respond. I don't know what she would say. The silence hangs thick in the air.

No one moves. All I can hear is the sound of my own breathing. Quick, harsh, loud. I didn't want this. I just wanted to see my husband. I didn't want to be this girl again.

I can't do this right now. I can't do this at all. I turn on my heel and walk out of the waiting room. I don't stop until I hit the front doors. Air. I need air. I don't have to look behind me to know that Chase is following behind me.

The second that the air hits my face the tears start. So many tears today. I don't care that people are staring at me. Wondering what tragedy happened inside this building to lead to this.

"Haley James Scott. I hope those are tears of joy." I wipe my tears and can't help the smile that comes across my face.

"Brooke. You're here." She walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. I can feel the anger dissipating. My heart beat returning back to normal. Brooke is here. It's going to be okay.

"Where else would I be?" Maybe at fashion school in New York? Or anywhere really, that isn't Tree Hill.

"He's awake Brooke. He's awake and he is him." She pulls me tighter before letting go. I wave Chase over to us. He had been keeping his distance so we could have our moment.

"Chase." Brooke face lights up the way it always does when she sees him. Sometimes I wish they could have worked out. But their relationship was short lived and they both agreed that it was more of a friendship between them than anything. I am thankful that they had those few short months together, even if he was the rebound new guy for Brooke. If they hadn't, I wouldn't have one of my best friends.

I think it was the fact that he was the new guy that made him the perfect addition to my and Brooke's friendship. He didn't know Nathan. Didn't know Lucas or Peyton or Rachel. He came in with no preconceptions. He just jumped into the middle of our crazy and balanced us out. He stayed in Tree Hill when Brooke went to college. Quinn moved in with me and he was in the apartment next door. If they hadn't been there I don't think Brooke would have gone. And that would have been unacceptable. She couldn't sacrifice her future for me. Even if she wanted too.

"So, where is my adorable God son?" Brooke loved that title. I don't know that she ever called him by his name, she took every opportunity to flaunt her status. Which is good since his God father, Lucas, hasn't even seen him in months. Not that I've wanted him too.

"He's at home with Quinn. I wasn't sure if he should be here." Her and Chase nod along with me. Always supporting my decisions. Even my crazy ones. "I was second guessing my decision to leave him home. But after my hysterical showdown with Bitch one and two I am glad he isn't here."

"They are here?" Her shock quickly dissolves. Of course they are here. Peyton and Rachel don't seem to take anyone else into consideration they just do whatever they want. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. They don't matter. Not really. What matters is that Nathan is awake. He can come home. And I have to tell him that he his a father." She puts her arm around me and grabs Chase's hand.

"Well then. Lets go do this."

A/N: Thank you for all of the feedback! I really appreciate it and am glad that people seem to be enjoying the story. There are a lot of questions about Lucas and who he will be with, I am not going to give away my end game yet but everything that happened until the season 3 finale has also happened in this story, and there will be a lot revealed in the upcoming chapters about what happened in those two years and why everything is the way it is now.

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

"Can we have a minute alone?" I ask the nurse who politely nods and leaves me alone with my husband.

"I missed you." I think he means in the last few hours since I've been gone but I cannot even begin to describe how much I have missed him.

"Nathan. I have something to tell you." I wanted to bring Brooke in here with me so badly. But it wouldn't be right. This has to be just me and Nathan.

He sits up in the bed a little more. He looks worried. I can only imagine the things running through his mind. What has happened in the years he was asleep?

"Its something good Nathan. Something amazing." I grab his hands and look into those eyes that I have memorized. The eyes that I see when I look at my son. "I don't know exactly what you remember of that day. The day of the accident. But we were driving to the airport, for our honeymoon, and I was going to tell you something. But then it all happened. We got to the bridge and you jumped in and everything changed." I know that I am rambling. I can tell that I am talking to fast and he is trying to keep up.

"Lucas filled me in on the details. I remember some of that day Hales. But not all those details." I wonder what else Lucas filled him in on.

"Well what I was going to tell you Nathan, is that I was pregnant." I wait a minute for that to sink in.

"Pregnant?"

"Yes, Nathan. We have a son. A beautiful son named James Lucas Scott."

"I'm a dad?" I can't read his emotions. I don't know that even he knows what he feels. "I have a son?"

"Yes."

"Um. Wow. Okay." He pulls me into a hug. And then for a kiss. A real kiss. One fueled by passion and love and want and need. A real kiss. The kiss I have dreamed about for years. I don't want it to end. But it does. And we are both crying. Tears of joy for what we have. Tears of sadness for all that we lost. "I'm a dad." God I have missed that smile.

"He has visited you a lot. He knows who you are. I think he will be surprised that you can talk and move though."

"James."

"Yes. But I call him Jamie."

"Jamie."

"Yes."

"Is he here?" He looks nervous now. I am too. The two most important people in my life are going to meet. Nathan will get to meet our son. I wasn't sure this day would ever come. I wasn't sure he was the 1% that would wake up. I just prayed that he was. Blindfully hoped that he was.

"Yes." Quinn was bringing him here. To meet his father. "I will get him." I turn to walk to the door to get Jamie but he grabs my hand to stop me.

"Hales. I am so sorry I wasn't here. That I missed it. That I missed the birth-" His voice catches, he must be in so much pain. "the birth of our son. That you had to do it alone." I don't know what to say. It isn't his fault of course. He didn't want to be in a coma. Didn't want to miss what he missed.

"Nathan." I don't know how to explain this to him. To make him understand how even though it was not okay that he wasn't there, that in a way it still was. That I had people there for me. That I survived it. That I got used to talking to him and getting no answer in return. "I missed you so much. All this time. Every time I visited you I prayed for this moment. For you to open your eyes. To hear you say my name. To kiss you again. I missed you so much. But you are awake now. And you are here. I love you forever and always. You couldn't be there. You were stuck here. But I was never alone. I had people with me. They weren't you, but they were there."

"Okay. I am so glad you had Lucas to help you through all this Hales. That Jamie had his uncle when he couldn't have me." I don't know what to say to that. Yes I had Luke. Past tense. I don't have him now. He was there for the pregnancy. The birth. But not much after that. I can't say any of that. Not now.

There is so much that he does not know. So many little things that turned into big things that turned into friendship ending things. He thinks things stayed how they were the day he jumped in that water. That Luke is my best friend. That Brooke is his girlfriend. That Peyton is a shoulder to lean on. He has never even heard of Chase. Has only met my sister Quinn one time. She didn't even make it to our wedding. We aren't in high school anymore. We graduated. Moved on. And he laid here. I wouldn't even know where to start. Not that I would go into all of that now. Now is about our family. Me, Nathan, and Jamie.

"Yeah. I've had a lot of help. And now I have you again." I move to the door so I can get Jamie. "I'm going to get him Nathan. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

I don't have to go far to get to Brooke and Jamie. They are sitting right down the hall waiting for me. Jamie is laughing as Brooke tickles him. I have spent so much time today thinking of how Nathan will handle this I have not thought of how Jamie will be. Nathan has missed so much but he is still so little. Two months shy of turning two years old. My little man.

"Mama!"

"Hey baby!" He runs over to me, his little legs wobbling beneath him as he does. I still remember the first time he took those steps. Nathan will never get that memory. "Ready to go see Daddy?"

I have said these words to him hundreds of times before. All the times that I brought him with me to visit Nathan when he wasn't really Nathan. I don't know if I should say anything now. Do I say that Daddy is awake now? I guess the only option is to go into that room and let things happen.

"Nathan. This is your son." Jamie smiles, he is always smiling as I carry him over to the bed.

"Daddy!" He always greets him this way. But Nathan doesn't know that. This is the first time he gets to hear it. I want to remember this moment for ever. I want to soak up all the joy on Nathan's face and the innocence of my son not even realizing how big this moment is.

"Jamie."

"How is it going?" I can feel Chase's anxiety as he asks. I realize this has to be weird for him. He's never met Nathan. He has spent countless hours listening to stories about him. He has visited him before but coma Nathan is not my Nathan.

"Good. Its Good. I left them alone. He wanted to be alone with his son."

"Good. So Nathan is good. Jamie is good. How about you? How are you doing Hales?" I don't even know how to answer that. I don't know how I feel. I haven't had time to think about it.

"I don't know." He raises an eyebrow. "I don't know. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm excited. I'm terrified. This is what I've always wanted. This is the moment I have waited for, for over two years. And now its here. And its not clear. Its confusing. Its amazing. But its overwhelming."

He grabs my hand and squeezes it. No words. Exactly what I need.

"I have my husband back. I saw Peyton. I saw Lucas. I saw Brooke." And Rachel. And so many other faces that used to make up my world. "I have my husband back. I have thought about this moment from the day I lost him. I have fantasized and dreamed and wondered and hoped. He's perfect. But nothing else is."

"I know."

"Time went so fast. The time he was gone. I always thought we would fix it before he woke up. That something would bring us together and force us to fix it."

"I know Hales."

"I don't want to be angry anymore." Its exhausting.

"You don't have to be." Except at Rachel. I will always be angry at Rachel. I can't rise above that one.

"So what now? I am still angry. I am still hurt. I don't want to be, but I am. Seeing them. Its hard." Its so much easier to convince myself that I made all the right choices, that my blind rage was justified, that I ended friendships for good reasons when those people are not right in front of me. Did I have a right to be angry? I did. I really did. But right now, with Nathan back, I just want it to be two years ago.

"You can't go back Hales, you can only go forward." He is right. As usual.

"I know."

We don't say anything else, just sit in a comfortable silence as I rest my head on his shoulder. We stay like that as Quinn and Brooke rejoin us with coffee. We stay like that until a nurse comes to get me. Nathan is ready to go home.

A/N: Thank you for the feedback, I love reading what you think of my story! I am going to try to get a new chapter up everyday so that there won't be a lot of waiting. Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Chapter 4

I can hear the voices coming out of the room before I get there. Sounds like a full house. It makes sense, all those people in the waiting room were waiting for this moment. I can hear Jamie's laugh.

I know there will be people in there that I still don't really want to see. People that I want to avoid. But Nathan is in there and he is ready to go home. So armed with Chase, Brooke, and Quinn I step inside.

"Hey." Everyone pauses for a moment and looks at me before going back to whatever they were doing. All with such big smiles on their faces. The side effect of a miracle.

Nathan isn't in his bed anymore. He is standing. Standing. A few days ago I didn't think he would ever open his eyes. Its unreal.

Cooper has a hand slapped on his shoulder and I can tell he is in the middle of a big story by the gestures that he is using. Nathan looks so happy. So alive. Karen and Andy are sitting in the chairs by his bed, immersed in a deep conversations with Mouth. The rivercourt gang aren't in here now, but the signed basketball newly placed next to Nathan's bed tells me that they were.

Lucas is holding Jamie while Peyton gives him raspberries on his stomach. They all just look so happy. I don't know how I feel about it. She hasn't seen him since the day he was born.

" _Wow. Haley. He is really beautiful." I look up from the perfect face of my baby boy to see Peyton standing in the doorway._

" _Thanks." I don't want to talk to her. Not now. Not ever. But its hard to feel the usual blind rage when I am holding such a perfect little boy._

" _What are you doing here?" It comes out nicer than I mean it to._

" _Lucas told me you went in to labor. I just wanted to see you. Both of you." Of course he told her._

 _"Well you saw. So now you can go." She doesn't. Instead she walks into the room and next to my bed. I can't yell at her like I want to. Not when I am holding my whole world._

" _Haley. Please. Just talk to me. You can't hate me this much. You just can't." And yet, I do._

" _I don't hate you Peyton. I am just not your friend anymore. And you are definitely not mine. And Brooke will be back any minute so you should go."_

" _I am your friend."_

" _Were we ever really friends though? I mean think about it. I met you because you were the girlfriend of my now husband and the obsession of my best friend. We had some good times together. I know that. But were we friends? I don't think we were. Not really." She is tearing up. I know that she is trying not to cry. All these months I would've loved to make her cry. To hurt her the way she hurt me. But it doesn't feel good. It just hurts._

" _We were Haley. We were friends. We still could be. I know you are mad about me and Luke. I know you love Brooke. I know you hate the way everything happened. I get it. I do. But what happened between me, Brooke, and Lucas shouldn't end our friendship." She thinks that is all this is about. That's a part of it. Of course it is. I hate seeing Brooke hurt and I don't support the dysfunction that has been Peyton and Lucas so far. But she knows that is not all this is about._

" _If that was all that it was. If it was just about the love triangle from hell then we could get past it. I am still friends with the other two points of that triangle. But that isn't it." She is full on crying now. I feel like I should be too. Jamie is just sleeping perfectly in my arms. "Its not just about that Peyton. Its about more. Its about Rachel. How is your new best friend? Is she even sorry she may have killed my husband?"_

 _She doesn't say anything now. She didn't think I knew about her new little friendship with the girl who ruined my life. But Tree Hill is a small town. And gossip travels at the speed of light._

" _Haley. She need someone, you don't know the whole story. It's complicated, just let me explain it-"_

" _It's not complicated Peyton. Its simple. Its done."_

" _But-"_

" _I would like some time alone with my son now. Goodbye Peyton."_

 _It felt wrong. Even as it was happening. But I didn't have time to worry about that. I only had to worry about the sleeping miracle in my arms._

The miracle that now lies happily in Luke's arms.

It's too much. Its all too much. This room is full of people, people who used to be the most important people in my life. And now some of them are like strangers.

I slip out into the hallway, its easy to do with such a big crowd, and lean against the wall. I take a few deep breaths.

"So. He is awake." I turn at the sound of Luke's voice.

"Yes. He is. I told you he would wake up."

"Yeah you did. You never stopped believing."

" _Haley, maybe you should listen to what the doctors are saying. They don' think he is going to wake up." I can't believe he is saying this. I have heard this from so many people now. Its getting really old._

" _They think Luke. They don't know."_

" _I know. I hate to even be saying this. To be thinking it, but its been a long time. There have been no changes. They say the chances of him waking up are tiny. At what point do we let him go?"_

" _We don't. We don't let him go Luke. They think he won't wake up. They think. People think all kinds of wrong things all the time. I thought that my wedding day was going to be one of the happiest of my life. I thought that when I had a child my husband would be there with me. I thought I would be at college right now. I thought that you were his brother, that you loved him, that you would have just a little bit of faith in him."_

" _I want him to wake up Haley. We all do. I have had faith and hope. I have prayed and wished with everything I have for him to wake up. But its killing me, and I hate watching it kill you._

" _That doesn't mean that we should kill him." I pushed by him and started running. I can't stop. I just run. Out of the hospital, past the parking lot, down the street. He can't give up. He can't. I need him to believe with me. Nathan will wake up. He has to. The sobs rack through my body as I fall down to the sidewalk. He has to._

 _I don't know how long I sit here before Luke finds me. It felt like forever._

" _I'm sorry Haley. I'm sorry. I just miss my brother." I pull him towards me and wrap my arms around him. Sometimes I forget that I am not the only one that is hurting ._

How far away we are from all of that now.

I don't know what to say. What do you say to the person that you used to tell everything to. There is nothing left to say. So I just walk away instead.

"Haley." I don't stop at his voice this time. I think its too late. "Haley. I miss you." I keep walking. I miss him too.

I remember the last time we talked so clearly.. It has replayed in my mind thousands of times.

" _Seriously Luke? I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I do not want to be around Peyton."_

" _Haley, this is getting old. You were such good friends, I know that you are mad at her but if you could just let go of some of that things could go back to how they were."_

" _Right. We were such good friends. She was so welcoming of me when I came home from my tour. Really went out of her way to be a good friend."_

" _That's not fair. You guys moved past that. She was a bridesmaid at your wedding!"_

" _Yeah, she was. With Brooke. Remember Brooke? Peyton's other friend that she stabbed in the back. The one that you were dating when they were my bridesmaids? The one that you cheated on with Peyton. Twice."_

" _Brooke and I broke up before I got together with Peyton. You know that. It was just complicated. It wasn't working with Brooke. We weren't happy Haley."_

" _Of course you weren't. How could you be when you were spending all of your time with Peyton. You may not have made the mistake of kissing her while you were with Brooke for a third time, but you're kidding yourself if you think you weren't with Peyton long before you and Brooke ended. I just, God, I just miss the guy I thought you were Luke. The good guy. You've changed."_

" _I've changed. I've changed? Are you serious Haley? I have tried so hard to be here for you. So hard to be the guy you need me to be. I have dropped everything to be here for you. I went to all your appointments, spent more nights here than at my own house. I help you with Jamie, I am here for you all the time." He is screaming now. And flailing._

" _I know you have but-"_

" _NO. No buts. I have not changed. I am still the same guy I was. I have not changed. You have."_

" _Yeah well having a husband in a coma will do that to a girl."_

" _You don't even see how different you are. How cold. How closed off. The girl that I knew, the girl that Nathan loved was warm and loving and forgiving. People make mistakes but you just can't let anything go. You are not the only one who lost someone! You are not the only one hurting." I can't remember the last time Luke has yelled at me. And he has never yelled like this. "It's been over a year now Haley. And you are still so angry. At everyone. At me. At Peyton. At Rachel. Its everyone's fault. Everyone is wrong. You spend so much time being angry at everyone else so you don't have to deal with the fact that the person you are really mad at is Nathan. You are angry that he jumped in the water. You are angry that he didn't think of you or your life together when he jumped. You are mad at him Haley."_

 _I don't mean to slap him. I don't even know that I am going to do it until it has happened._

" _Shut up Luke." I whisper it. There is too much rage surging through my body to do anything else.  
"Get out of my house." _

_I turn my back and he does as I ask._

 _And then I just cry. Real tears. I am mad at Nathan. And I am mad at Lucas. Jumping into a sunken limo. Its like they didn't care if they made it out alive._

I sink down against the wall in the hospital willing this day to end. I just want to be home. Alone with my husband.

But what I really want is to rewind. Rewind to two years ago and stop him from jumping into the water. Stop the Scott brothers from being the heroes. I want to change so much of what happened and how it affected all of us.

He woke up. He finally did. And nothing is the way that it should be.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed, feedback is appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

"You still have the same apartment?" I look over at Nathan as he asks.

"Uh yeah. I couldn't leave. Its our home."

"Well, at least thats still the same."

"Are you okay? I know this must be a lot."

"It is a lot. I still can't fully grasp that it has been so long. It doesn't feel that way. You are just as beautiful as you were on our wedding day Hales. So much has happened for you while I was asleep. So much." It's true. But he doesn't know how much.

"We can work through it all together." I put the car in park and turn to face him. "Nathan. I love you so much. I cannot even tell you how happy I am to be talking to you and have you talking back. The hard part is over. The rest we can get through together."

He kisses me again. And I so wish that there wasn't a car full of people behind us so that we could finish this moment the way we should.

"We should go inside. Welcome home Nathan."

We step over the threshold into the apartment. It doesn't look the same. There are toys all over the place. Cheerios spread on the counter. I'm guessing Quinn didn't take the time to tidy up before bringing Jamie to the hospital. I wouldn't have either.

"So Brooke, Quinn, Chase, and Jamie should be here soon. They were grabbing some food for dinner. I told them I have plenty to cook here, but I think they wanted to give us some time alone." He is walking around the apartment, taking it all in. How weird it must be. How familiar, and yet how different.

"Chase? I saw him in the room. Who is he exactly? My replacement?" He doesn't say it seriously, or meanly. He says it with that Scott twinkle in his eye. He must know that if there was any chance of him coming back to me that there would be no replacement. That even if he was really taken from me the chances of me moving on would be slim.

"Ha. Ha. Yeah I decided to ditch that whole forever and always thing." He smiles. "No Chase is just a friend of mine. A good friend. You will like him I swear."

"Its weird. That you have a good friendship with someone I've never met. I get it. It's just weird."

"He started at Tree Hill shortly after the accident. Brooke ended up dating him for a little bit, but it didn't really work out. Luckily it wasn't a serious relationship so the friendship stayed in tact and we all became friends."

"So I guess that means Brooke and Lucas didn't make it? Luke didn't offer all the details but he seemed pretty with Peyton today, and I didn't see Brooke with either of them." Crap. Offering too much information at once. I forgot what he doesn't know.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't mean to just blurt out a bunch of stuff you don't know. I wasn't thinking." He walks over to me and pulls me into his arms. His strong arms. I have missed this so much.

"It's fine Hales. Its gonna be weird for awhile. And I need to know all that I missed. I know it was a lot." Yeah it was. We haven't even scratched the surface. "How did it all go down this time? I hope no sneaking. Brooke deserves better."

"Yeah. It was a long time ago Nate. It was all right after the accident. We were still in high school. Things are different."

"So what else should I know?" Such a loaded question. This topic is dangerous. How do I explain that I do not know anything about Luke and Peyton anymore. I don't know if they are happy or what their life is like.

Peyton got an internship in LA with a music studio and left shortly after graduation. I guess that is why she came to see me graduation night. I didn't know that she was leaving at the time. Luke didn't follow her at first. Their relationship stayed in tact but he stayed to be with me. I hadn't asked him to but that was classic Lucas. Sacrificing what he wants for someone he loves. I had just had a baby and my husband was in a coma and he couldn't move across the country and leave me behind.

Then the fight happened. Peyton was home to spend Christmas with her dad who was surprisingly in Tree Hill for once. Luke was under the impression that after the time apart I would be fine with seeing Peyton. Happy even. He threw us together and it didn't end well. That was he last time we had spoken until now. After that last fight he got on a plane with Peyton back to LA. And that was it.

"Nathan, I-"

"Hey guys! We got way too much food so I hope you are hungry!" Brooke bounces in carrying a ridiculous amount of take-out bags.

Leave it to Brooke to come in with perfect timing. I want to tell Nathan everything. I really do. But I am scared of what he will think of all of it. And even more I am scared of what I will think of me when I relive it all through his eyes.

"I tried to tell her that you will probably want to be alone and that we should just get enough for you guys but you know Brooke. Can't be swayed." Quinn comes in with Jamie and hes running to Nathan's leg as soon as she puts him down. If only everyone could readjust as easy as an almost two year old.

"It's fine Quinn. It will be nice to see everyone. Even people I don't know." Nathan glances at Chase. I have thought about this moment a few times before. What will their relationship be? Will Chase and I keep our friendship with Nathan back? Was he the platonic placeholder I needed to keep me going through this time?

"I'm Chase. It's pretty amazing to actually meet you. I have spent many hours hearing stories about you." He reaches his hand out and Nathan takes it. Whew, okay. So far so good.

"Nice to meet you man."

"Okay. There is plenty of time for man bonding later, but right now, lets eat." Once again Brooke with the save.

The night went off without a hitch. We ate, we talked, we laughed. Nathan did a lot of listening and less talking than usual. It makes sense, so much to take in. To my relief him and Chase got along fine. Not that they are becoming best friends, but not as awkward as I feared it would be. Quinn invited herself to stay with Brooke for the night and Chase made his way back to his own apartment so we could be alone. Just our little family.

Jamie had fallen asleep right after dinner. He is always easy to get to sleep, he uses so much energy throughout the day.

I was cleaning up, loading the dishes, and putting the leftover away thinking about how different things are now. Before the accident it was just me and Nathan in this apartment. Brooke had just given it back to us because she believed in our love. We were seniors in high school just trying to figure out where we would be going next.

I never lived here alone after the accident. The first night that I slept at home was with Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke. I could tell there was tension between them but they all pushed it aside and were there anyways. It wasn't until much later I got the full story from Brooke, and a different story from Lucas.

Brooke moved in with me until she went to college. She took care of all my crazy pregnancy cravings, held me while I cried on the nights I lost hope in Nathan ever waking up, and made sure I made it through to graduate. She was there for everything. Even after her and Lucas finally called it quits she didn't waver. She knew I needed him too, that I needed him to know Jamie and she pushed her own feelings aside to tolerate him. She was always good at that. She was my rock.

But she had to go to college. She got into some amazing fashion school in New York and she had to go. There was no consideration on my part. She had given so much for me, done so much for me. She had to do this for herself. Luckily a newly graduated Quinn was excited to come back to Tree Hill and take care of her little sis. She was always a wanderer but doesn't seem to mind being in one place too much. Jamie definitely helps to keep things interesting.

I never had to be alone. And somehow always felt alone without him.

"He is so beautiful. The way he looks when he is sleeping. So peaceful." I smile at the pride in his voice. I wasn't sure that the connection would be there right away.

"You looked peaceful too. While you were sleeping." As soon as I say it I can feel the tears swelling. I can't stop them today no matter what I do.

"Hales." He pulls me into his arms and I let the sobs take over.

"Its o-o-okay. They are hap-py tears. Really. I-I-I just can't bel-l-lieve your here with me."

I look up into the eyes of my husband with my arms wrapped around his neck the way they were all that time ago on our wedding day. His eyes still sparkle the same way. His mouth pulls up in to a slow smile and I can feel the love between us. Just like before. And I need him.

The kiss starts slow and passionate but it quickly heats up to more. I haven't felt this way in so long. This fire, this heat. His hands pull me tighter and its still not close enough. I need to be with him.

We stumble to the bedroom before realizing that in this one bedroom apartment, that room is also Jamie's room. The couch it is. Its a blur of hands and kisses and moans and clothes flying. Its so familiar. Like no time has passed. It has been so long since I have wanted this, needed this. And here we are. Together in the way I only want to be with him.

"I love you." He says it after as we try to catch our breaths. Its perfect. Everything is perfect.

A/N: Thank you again for all of the feedback! It makes me feel good that people seem to have so many opinions about the story and characters. A lot of things that have been brought up will be addressed in later chapters. I also just wanted to point out that everything is from Haley's point of view, so her perception of things isn't necessarily right and that's something that is going to come up more too.

I hope you liked the new chapter, keeps the reviews coming I really enjoy reading everyone's thoughts and reactions!


	6. Chapter 6

"Watch this!" Jamie throws his little basketball at his hoop that is still way too tall for him. He doesn't make it but throws his tiny fists in the air anyways.

"Good shot Buddy!" I smile at Nathan as he walks over to pick Jamie up. This time he slams the ball through the hoop.

"Woooo!" He goes to retrieve the ball for another shot but gets distracted when he trips over an animal puzzle. He sits on the floor to put it back together. He never can stay focused on one thing for too long.

"I could watch him all day." I move sit down next to Nathan on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder as he put his arm around me. This is what I have always pictured. Our perfect little family enjoying just being together.

The door swings open and Brooke bounds in with Chase and Quinn in tow.

"Hey!" She stops and smiles at us on the couch. "You guys are too cute. I've missed this."

"Me too. So what are you guys up to today."

"Well," Quinn looks excited as she talks. "I have been hired to do a model shoot for some new clothing campaign, and Brooke here has offered to take me shopping for a new outfit to look the part."

"What?! You got that job? That amazing Quinn! I am so proud of you." I jump off the couch to give her a huge hug. This is so great. She has been working so hard trying to get a job like this one.

"You going too?" Nathan looks at Chase as he asks.

"Yeah, nothing else to do. Mind as well kill time at the mall. You know with these two it will always be interesting." Brooke and Quinn flash him their smiles as I laugh. He is not wrong.

"Alright! We will get out of your guys way. Just wanted to share the good news." Its weird that a few days ago it was me and Quinn sitting on this couch watching Jamie. Good weird.

"Bye guys, good luck with your perfect outfit!" They head out as quickly as they headed in and I am alone with my husband and son again. Amazing.

"Well I feel better about Chase now." I didn't know he felt bad about Chase.

"What do you mean?"

"He is definitely into one of them or there is no way he would volunteer for an afternoon of shopping." He looks at me and my whole body feels warm. "I was a little worried he was into you."

"You were?" He had seemed so fine with him at dinner, I had no idea.

"Of course. You introduce me to some random guy who you spend a ton of time with who just so happened to move in right next door." It does sound bad when you lay it out like that.

"He really is just a good friend. Nothing has ever been even slightly romantic. He's a good guy. I know that once you guys have a chance to get to know each other you will be friends too." He nods and smiles. At least he seems open to it. The last thing I need is a jealous Nathan, especially when there is nothing to be jealous about.

"It's almost his nap time right?" I glance at the clock behind me. Its actually past his usual time. We got so caught being together.

"Yep. Jamie, sweetie, lets go lay down together. Mommy will read you a story." His eyes already look heavy and he doesn't resist and instead walks toward me.

"I'll take him. What story do you want Jamie?" He swoops him up in his arm and flies him to the bedroom. I can hear both of them laughing as they land on the bed.

I pick up some of the mess we made this morning as Jamie showed Daddy all of his toys. Oh the little piggy bank. Every time you put a coin in the slot it sings a little song about counting. Jamie loved this for months. That terrible little song echoing over and over thru the apartment.

" _You don't have to bring him something every time you come over you know."_

" _I know, I know. I just love spoiling him. I got the same thing for Lily. Karen of course informed me that she is too young for such a toy." I smile at him. Karen is right. A three month old is not going to put coins in a piggy bank. But its a thoughtful gift regardless._

" _He has a habit of doing that. Buying thing he thinks are cute, whether or not they are age appropriate. We have a whole shelf of toys waiting for Lily to be old enough." Karen carefully put the peacefully sleeping Lily in her seat and turned to face me. It was rare that we got both babies to sleep at the same time._

 _Andy steps outside to grab something from the car. I know that he is just trying to give me some time with Karen. I appreciate it._

 _Karen wraps me in a hug and I pull her in tight. There is something about her hugs that relaxes me instantly._

" _How are you doing?" I think about saying 'fine'. It has become my go-to answer for the question I get asked everyday. I don't think anyone wants a real answer. They just want to cock their head to the side and give a long sigh and ask the question. I think they feel better just for saying it. But I can't lie to Karen. I never could._

" _I don't know. It depends on the moment. When I am holding Jamie and he is looking up at me with those beautiful eyes, Nathan's eyes, I feel amazing. I feel this warmness. Its incredible. And then other times I feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I can't breathe. It just hurts so badly." She nods her head and rubs her hand on my back. "I just want to feel normal. Sometimes I think that I am okay and then something will happen and I will just lose it."_

" _Its normal to lose it sometimes. I still have moments where I fall apart thinking about Keith. Thats a part of grief. It doesn't just go away. It does lessen over time."_

" _I don't want to grieve Nathan though, he is still here." She takes my hand in hers._

" _You don't have to grieve Nathan. But you can grieve the moments you are losing with him. You can love the moments you have with your son and be devastated that Nathan isn't here for them. Its okay to feel anything you feel Haley."_

" _I feel everything. Happy, sad, confused, angry. Sometimes all at once. I just want him back Karen. I miss him so much." She doesn't say anymore. Just sits with me holding my hand until the sound of Jamie's cries cuts the silence._

God I miss Karen so much. I almost want to grab my phone and call her. She was there for so much of the pain, it doesn't feel right to not have her now that everything is right again. I would call her but it would be selfish now. I cut her off after Luke and I stopped talking. She called me, sent me some things for Jamie, even stopped by. But I couldn't see her. Not after everything that happened with me and her son. It just wasn't right. She eventually gave up, or maybe she found out how I had torn my friendship with Luke apart. Either way, its done. She wouldn't want to hear from me.

I put the coins back inside the pig one at a time and listen to song play. Its not as annoying as I remember.

"He's asleep." Nathan's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Nice work. Got him down quick." He sits down to help me put some of the toys away.

"Haley." This puzzle is missing a piece. Where did he hide the cow.

"Haley. Stop for a second." He sounds serious. The cow will have to wait.

"Okay." I put the puzzle and down and cross my legs as I turn to face him. I can't read his face.

"I need to ask something. I've been wanting to ask it since we left the hospital but kept putting off. I have a feeling I am not going to like the answer."

"Okay. Ask me anything."

"I've been awake for four days now. Why haven't I heard from either of my parents?" Shit. "I know that neither one of them has been the best parent, but I would still expect them to be there." I don't know where to begin. "Did Dad, uh, are they, did he."

He closes his eyes. "Are they dead?" I didn't see that coming.

"No Nathan. They are not dead. They are both alive." He looks at me waiting for me to continue. I don't know how to say any of this. I've thought about it of course, even before he woke up. I've talked to Brooke about it. She said rip off the band-aid and just lay it out there quick. I talked to Chase who said to go into it all slowly and let him absorb everything. I talked to Quinn who said to get someone else to break the news. Basically I got no good advice and I am not ready for this. How can I look into the eyes of the man I love and break his heart.

"Just tell me."

"It's bad Nathan. Really bad."

"I know. Just tell me please. This waiting, not knowing, its worse." I don't know if thats true. If he is like the rest of us he will miss the before. Before he knew what Dan did, when he still believed in his redemption.

"Dan is in jail. Deb is addicted to pills and maybe more." Ripping the band-aid off it is.

"Okay." He doesn't move. He doesn't say anything else. I don't know if I should go on or wait until he asks. We sit there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity.

"Tell me about my mom first."

"She was great to me for the first year after your accident. She asked to see every sonogram, paid my doctors bills, invited me to stay with her. We had weekly lunches where we mostly talked about you. I didn't take her up on it while I was pregnant because I stupidly thought that I had everything under control. I was going to take her up on it about 2 months after Jamie was born."

"But you didn't." He doesn't ask it. He says it. No emotion in his voice. I hate this.

"No, I didn't." I shift my body and take a deep breath. "I guess your mom already had some issues with pills. She had been taking them off and on for years. Luke had caught her once when he was living there. He thought she had it under control. I didn't even know about it until after." I don't want to tell him this.

"After what Hales?" He says it gently, nudging me along. I can only imagine what he is thinking.

"She was babysitting Jamie. I had a shift at the Cafe and she offered to watch him for me. I didn't even think twice, she came over to the apartment and I went to work. I was only halfway through my shift when I got a call from Chase. He started by saying that Jamie is fine and home with Quinn, but that he was at the hospital and I needed to come." He holds my hand. Tears are coming to my eyes reliving it all. "Quinn had ended up coming home early. She had found Jamie lying on his mat on the floor alone and your mother was passed out on the couch. Quinn tried to wake her up but she couldn't. She called an ambulance and called Chase to go with Deb. She thought she was dead."

"Oh my God."

"She had taken too many. She had seen your father that day and it had set her off so she took more than usual. Then she saw all the pictures of you around the apartment and she took more. She thought she would be fine, just numb. She gave me all the excuses, but there was no excuse."

"She put Jamie in danger." I nod my head.

"Yes. She did. I was so angry Nathan, and so hurt. I trusted her with the most important thing in my life."

"You don't have to explain. I would've cut her off too." He looks so hollow. He must be in shock, such an expressionless look on his face.

"I wanted to cut her out of our lives. At first. But Nathan she was so hurt and broken. She was an addict. It doesn't mean that what happened was okay. It wasn't. But she needed help. Karen and I tried to get her to go to rehab. She went for less than a week before she checked herself out. I haven't heard from her since." One parent down, one to go.

"You don't know where she is?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"I wonder if she knows I'm awake." I wonder too. I doubt it. I don't think there is any pill in the world that could keep her from her son. I recognized her pain when she woke up in the hospital. I felt it too.

"We can try to find her."

"Maybe. I need some time." He stands up. Please don't walk awake. "I don't know how to feel right now. It's like you're telling me a story that can't be real. So many things happened while I was just stuck."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. How to make it better." I stand up and wrap my arms around him. He doesn't hug me back at first, but finally melts into it.

"You can tell me about my dad. Mind as well hear it all now."

"Are you sure you can handle it?" I don't know if I can. This is definitely the worse story. One thing that its good he missed.

"No. But tell me anyway."

Wahhhhhhh. Ahhhhhh. Wahhhhh. Right on cue Jamie starts crying. Thank God. I practically run down the hallway to grab him and rock him back to sleep. It doesn't take long since he isn't really all the way awake. I lay next to him longer than I need to. I am not ready to tell Nathan this. But this can't be about me, it has to be about him. He needs to know.

I walk back out to find Nathan lying on his back on the couch.

"I have a feeling I am going to want to be lying down for this."

"So Dan is in jail." I kneel down on the floor next to him. "God Nathan I wish I could protect you from this. I wish you didn't have to hear these words." I take a deep breath. "Dan killed Keith." He doesn't move. "He confessed the night that Lily was born. He held her in his arms and then walked right into the police station." Still nothing. "He thought Keith had tried to kill him. He wanted to settle the score." Should I keep talking? "Nathan."

He sits up. Still no words.

"What are you thinking? Are you okay. Okay stupid question, I know you aren't."

He stands up and walks past me.

"Nathan, where are you going. Talk to me."

"To wake up Jamie."

"Why?"

"I need to hold my son."

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, I am so happy people seem to be invested in the story! I hope you all keep reading and let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

"Still hasn't said anything?" I had barely put the phone to my ear when Brooke asks.

"Nope. Nothing." No, Nathan still hasn't said anything about his parents. Its been three days since I broke the news and he has avoided the topic completely. I don't know what to do, it doesn't seem right I bring it up. If he wants to talk about it, he will.

"I'm sorry Hales."

"He's going out with Lucas today. Maybe he will want to talk to him about it. I don't know." I'm more than a little nervous about what else they may talk about today.

"So its just you and Jamie today?"

"Yep, I have the whole day with him. No tutoring appointments, no shift at the restaurant. Just me and the little man." I am so excited to have a day to just relax.

"Well if you want some company let me know, I am going crazy in this hotel room. I have nothing to do today."

"We are going to the park later if you wanna join."

"Definitely."

"Alright, I'll see you then."

"Wait, Haley. It's going to be okay. He will talk about it. When he's ready." I take a deep breath. She always knows what to say. I hang up the phone and glance at the clock. Jamie should be waking up any minute.

I am glad she wants to hang out today. I am definitely going to need a distraction so I don't obsess about what Luke will tell Nathan.

"Hey babe, can I ask you something?" I turn my attention to Nathan. Please don't be another hard question.

"How are you paying the bills?"

"Oh. Um well I have two jobs."

"As a tutor and a waitress. There's nothing wrong with that but you can't be making that much money. You've been paying rent, my bills, the apartment, for you and Jamie. How far in debt are we?"

"We aren't actually." One thing that has gone my way these past few years.

"Your hospital bills were paid by an anonymous source. I don't know who or why but someone paid them all off after the accident and has been sending payments. I tried to figure it out for awhile but gave up. Wherever that money came from it was a blessing and I was not messing with that."

"Wow." He must be running through the people in our lives could do that. Its a very short list.

"The apartment I have been able to cover with my paychecks and for that first year your mom helped out a lot. Quinn chips in too which helps. My insurance covered most of my maternity needs and again your mom chipped in. Anything Jamie related she was happy to help with." I don't know if he wants to even hear me say her name but its important he knows how great she was, at first. "And there was a lot of fundraiser events right after. Some brought in quite a bit of money. Peyton had just done that album with Ellie to raise money for breast cancer, and she had a lot of contacts. She organized a pretty amazing concert for you. I put all that money into an emergency account. I've used some of it, but not all."

"I'm glad you had people to help you. Thats pretty amazing that Peyton would arrange all that. Shes a great friend. I haven't gotten to see her much. We should have everyone over or something."

She was a great friend for doing that. I had kind of forgotten that she had done all that. I feel a small twinge of something. Regret? Sadness? I don't know but I don't like it.

"I'm glad that I have you back. And we can find a time to get everyone together. Just like the old days." I throw on my best supportive wife smile and give him a kiss. Maybe we can get back to how it was.

"You're moving?" I nod at Brooke.

"We have to. There just isn't enough room for us now." She raises an eyebrow at me.

"But there was enough room for you, Quinn, and Jamie?"

"Yes there was. I didn't want to leave our home without him. But I know I have him. And after a week of living in the same bedroom with my son and husband I can say that I am ready to get a bigger place. Maybe even a house."

"Baby in the bedroom cramping your style?" Brooke nudges me as I laugh. I guess that could be part of it.

"It's just time to get a new place. He's back now and that was never supposed to be our forever home."

"Well I would be happy to help you look."

"Thanks Brooke, but really you need to be getting back to New York. Back to your life." She stops at a bench along the path and sits down to look at me. She waits until I sit down beside her before she responds.

"Yeah. About that. I kinda took a leave of absence from school. I'm still planning to go back in the fall but for now, I'm staying here."

"What? No. You need to go back! Its April there's what, like a month or so left in this semester? You can't just bail."

"I'm not bailing. I took a leave of absence so I am not failing out or anything, just taking some incompletes. Some of which I can finish here as long as I submit the work. Its not a big deal really. I want to be here Haley. You have Nathan back and that is amazing. But there are going to be bumps in the road and I want to be here for them."

"Bumps in the road?"

"Yeah. I mean Nathan needs to adjust and you are going to need support. Especially when everything starts coming up again." I don't think I like where this is going.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that. Everything is fine." Even I know that I am lying.

"Please, even you don't believe that." She's right. "Haley, all this time I didn't say anything because you were hurting and there was never a right time. But things are not fine. You are not fine." I don't say anything, I just look out over the water and let her continue. "Its been a rough two years. I know that. I'm saying that I would've handled things any better but its time to let some stuff go."

"Let some stuff go."

"You can't hate them forever Haley. They hurt you, they hurt me. I get that and I love you for having my back but its been a long time. He was a shitty boyfriend, but he wasn't a shitty friend. He was always there for you. I don't hate them anymore, and you shouldn't either."

"I don't hate them. We just aren't friends."

"Doesn't that bother you? Especially Luke. A bond like what you had doesn't just go away." Apparently it does.

"It's not like he has tried either Brooke. He walked away, I let him, and that was it."

"But its not it. We are all still here. Its not too late to change things." Isn't it though? "You know that if you called Luke right now he would be there for you. He's wanted to reach out to you. They both have but didn't know how."

How would she know that? Is she a mind reader now? Wait, oh my God,

"You've talked to them?" She meets my eyes.

"Yes."

"Yes?" How could she have kept this from me. "When?"

"I went to see Peyton in LA about a year ago. And no I didn't tell you. You were in such a dark place Haley. I don't think you even realized how hard and cold you became. You never wanted to talk about any of your feelings, you just buried them. I love you, and I am not judging you, but I knew that if I told you I was talking to Peyton again, you would end our friendship too."

I want to yell at her. To tell her that she is wrong and that she never should have kept something so big from me. I want to but I can't. She isn't wrong. I would've been so mad at her. I was so mad at everything.

"Okay." I take her hand. "Tell me about it."

"We never fully talked about what happened between me, Lucas, and Peyton during senior year. It wasn't really like what happened the first time. Peyton was in love with him. She told me. I did not take it well. I felt so betrayed, so hurt, that she was going after him again."

She stands up and starts pacing in front of me.

"But that's the thing that was different this time. She wasn't going after him. She told me she loved him. But she didn't tell him." She looks sad. "I wanted to be mad at her, to blame her, as me and Luke started to fall apart. After the accident we tried so hard to make it work. I clung to him and willed him to want me too. But it didn't work. We didn't work. And as much as I didn't want to admit it back then, it wasn't because of Peyton." I stand up too. There is too much running through my mind to stand still.

"They didn't cheat. They didn't sneak around. Me and Lucas broke up. Then him and Peyton got together. Because mine and Lucas relationship was over long before it ended."

"You were so hurt Brooke. I sat with you while you cried. You told me when you broke up that it was because of Peyton."

"Of course I was hurt. It hurts to lose someone. It hurts to be in love with the same boy as your best friend. But whether or not Peyton loved him, I was never going to keep him. I didn't have any perspective after the relationship ended. I exaggerated, I blamed everyone else except myself. Its what you do when you break up. I never asked you to stop being friends with either of them. I didn't stop you either. I never meant to make you angry with them, I was just so sad Haley. I needed it to be someone's fault. But sometimes relationships end, sometimes they just aren't right for whatever reason."

"They just got together so soon after you ended. It felt like a betrayal."

"I got together with Chase right after. That never seemed to bother you."

"That was different." Wasn't it?

She sits down and pulls me down next to her. Holding my hands she gives me a small, sad smile.

"I'm not saying that I like the way things happened, or that it wasn't a messy situation. But you cast Peyton as Lucas as the villians in our story. You put so much of your anger onto them. I think you were more upset than I was." Of course I was upset. I hate seeing anyone hurt Brooke.

"I love you Haley. But if this had all gone down and Nathan was with you instead of lying in a hospital I don't think that you would have had the same reaction."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. Because I know you. You would've still had my back, but you wouldn't have been so angry. So much of your life was spinning out of control. You were pregnant and alone and terrified that Nathan wasn't going to wake up. I understand where all of your rage comes from, but its time to let it go."

"I don't know how." She isn't saying anything that I don't know. I know that I have been angry and unreasonable and unforgiving. I could feel myself getting out of control. I don't want to be this way.

She pulls me into a hug.

"I know. I think the first step is deciding you want to. Nathan is back Haley. You have a beautiful son and friends and family who want to be here for you. You don't have to keep putting up walls."

"I'm still scared Brooke. I still feel like anyone I love can be ripped away at any moment." I have been trying to push the fear out for so long. It seems the only things stronger than fear is anger. Its safer to push people away instead of letting them disappear on their own.

"It's going to be okay Haley. I promise." As always, I believe her.

I get home from the park and put Jamie down for a nap, running around at the playground really wore him out today. Nathan is still out with Lucas and I have a few minutes of peace.

All of what Brooke said to me keeps echoing in my head. How had everything gotten so out of control? So many people had said it now. Chase told me I was angry at everyone, he said it was justified given all I went through. Luke told me I was mad at Nathan. Brooke said I was mad at everyone. Quinn told me I was carefully removing everyone from my life that reminded me of Nathan. Would I have eventually cut Brooke out too if she hadn't gone to New York?

Brooke said she was scared if she told me she had reconciled with Peyton I wouldn't be her friend anymore. What does that say about me that my own best friend was scared to tell me about a major thing in her life? She has spent the last few years doing anything I needed, trying to keep me going and I can't be there for her when she needs it. I wonder how her Peyton reunited? I didn't ask and she didn't offer, it's a conversation for another time. She thought I would be so angry, but I don't feel angry. I feel a little jealous. I miss the way we were before.

I have been hiding behind my anger for so long, I am exhausted. I don't want to be mad at everyone anymore. But it isn't up to me at this point, I can' t just go up to the people I cut off and expect them to still be there. That life, the before, it seems so far away, I don' t know if I can get back to the girl that I was. I think it's time to try.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you liked the chapter. Let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Were you going to tell me that you and Luke don't talk anymore? That you aren't friends?" I almost choke on my mac n-cheese as the words come out of Nathan's mouth.

"What?"

"I've been home for almost two weeks. I've seen you, I've seen Luke, and I've seen you together and not once did you think to tell me that apparently you now hate my brother." He would play the brother card, as if he has a deeper bond with him than what I had.

"I don't hate him." I miss him.

"You don't? Cuz you would have to have some pretty terrible feelings toward him to keep him away from our son." I didn't want to keep him away from Jamie. I didn't want to keep him away from anyone. Things just spiraled. I don't know how to explain this. I don't even understand it myself.

"Its complicated."

"Complicated? Was it complicated when you decided to not even tell me? When I told you how glad I was that Jamie at least had his uncle and you didn't even say anything."

"I didn't want to upset you. I didn't want to talk about it with you." I didn't want to hurt him more. Everything is confusing enough after being asleep for two years without throwing this all into the mix.

"And why did Lucas tell you? Trying to get you to hate me too?"

He stands up from the table now. He is mad. So mad.

"No, he wasn't. Of course he wasn't because he loves you. He loves you and misses you. He told me because I asked him and unlike my wife, he didn't want to lie or dodge the issue. I knew something was off."

"I didn't know how to explain it all. I'm still confused how it all happened myself." He is still spinning.

"What happened to you Haley?" My heart catches in my throat as he asks me. What happened to me?

"What do you mean?" My voice catches and I know that I am going to start crying. I push it down. I don't want to give him any more tears.

"What happened to the girl that I married that day. Where did she go? Cuz this version of you isn't someone I recognize."

"Where did I go?" I can feel the heat rising in my chest. The familiar feeling of rage. It seems to be my default emotion now.

"I know its been two years for you and that for me it hasn't. I know that things happened while I was gone. I get that you may be a little different. That this whole experience would change you. I know that Haley, I do. But I just want the girl who laughs back. The girl with a smile so bright it lit up your eyes. The girl who helped me even when she hated me. The girl who refused to give up on us. What happened to you?"

I might explode. The anger is sweltering me. What happened to me? How does he not know?

"You." I spit the word out.

"You happened to me Nathan. You decided to leave me pregnant and alone standing on the edge of a fricken bridge while you dove into a sunken limo. You didn't stop for a moment to think. You just had to be the hero. You clearly didn't care about that girl you are rambling on about all that much." Its all coming out now. More than I want to say.

"Hal-"

"Did you even think about me Nathan? Did you take even one second to think about what it would do to me to lose you before you threw yourself off a bridge? Did you love me? Really. Because all those months, those years that I sat by your bed praying for you to come back to me I couldn't help but wonder if you even wanted to."

"I didn't ask to be in a coma."

"No. Of course you didn't. Just like I didn't ask to be the wife of a man in a coma. I didn't ask to marry a man who doesn't care if he lives or dies. I didn't ask to have my best friend follow him in. I didn't ask to lose the girl that you fell in love with Nathan. I didn't ask for things to be the way that they are now." Oh God. My anger is fading, falling into sadness. I hate it. I hate feeling this way.

"You're yelling at me for something I don't remember deciding to do."

"Finally! I am finally yelling at you. You want to know why I am not friends with Lucas anymore? Because he was there to yell at. He was there to take it all out on. He was there Nathan. He told me that I was mad at you and I slapped him. Because he was right. I love you and I missed you but I am so mad at you. At both of you."

"I don't even remember it all Haley."

"I know that. I know that you don't remember. That you lost part of that day. Our wedding day. That you don't remember the sound of me screaming your name, begging you to come back to the surface. I thought you were dead Nathan. Your body floated up and I thought you were dead. And I wanted to die right there. My world imploded in that moment. But you don't remember."

"I don't." He whispers it. His anger seems to be gone too.

"I know." I can't be here right now. I have spent so much time making sure these feelings never got out. I don't want to be mad at Nathan. I walk over to Nathan, feeling as defeated as he looks, and grab his hands. "If you're looking for that girl, try the bridge where you left her."

I push by him, grab my keys, and leave. It is all too much. This isn't the fairytale I saw in my mind when I thought about Nathan waking up. I don't want to be mad anymore.

I want to be that girl. And I finally know where to find her.

The bridge. I have spent so much time carefully avoiding this place. As if that would stop the echoes of that day from haunting me. Clearly it didn't work.

I spent so much time being angry. So much time blaming people for what happened that day. Blaming Nathan for jumping in. Blaming Luke for going in after. Blaming Cooper for sleeping with Rachel. Blaming Rachel for grabbing the wheel. Blaming Peyton for befriending Rachel. Blaming myself for not stopping him from jumping. For uselessly waiting on the edge of the bridge helping no one. Just screaming.

I sit down on the cold wood and let the tears silently fall down my face. I feel horrible for yelling at Nathan like that. But I know I had to do it, had to finally place my anger where it belonged. I can't keep blaming everyone else in my life. I don't blame Nathan either, not really, but I needed to say it all aloud when he could actually hear me.

I don't know what he is thinking at home, Jamie must have woken up from all our screaming. As horrible as it feels fighting with my husband who I just got back, it feels real. I haven't felt this alive in so long. I spent so much time pushing out all the people that could cause me pain, but pain is a part of living. I didn't just close myself off to pain, I closed myself off to all of it, shut myself down. I have been sleep walking through these past two years. I need to wake up. I need to wake up for me. For my husband. For my son. It's time to stop hiding and face all that's happened. It's time to move on.

I hear the footsteps slowly approaching me and don't need to turn to know who it is.

The voice cuts through my thoughts.

"This is the last place I would ever expect you to want to meet me."

A/N: Sorry for the delay on the update, I should be updating at least every other day again. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, as always I love any feedback that you have!


	9. Chapter 9

I knew he would come. That was the thing about Luke, no matter what if I said, "I need you" he was going to be there. I'm glad that hasn't changed when so much else has.

"Do you remember when we were nine years old and we went swimming at that lake for the first time. You wanted to swim out to the dock but I was too scared. It looked so far from the shore. The water got dark all around it and I was terrified. You didn't want to leave me on shore so you found a float to borrow and dragged me out behind you."

"I didn't want to leave behind."

"Once we were out there it wasn't scary. I just need you to show me."

"I could barely get you off that thing when my mom was calling us in. You just wanted to jump off it over and over."

"It was a great day."

"Yeah, it was." He walks over and sits down beside me on the ground. "We had a lot of great days."

"I miss you Luke." He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. We still like that for awhile. Just taking comfort in each other.

"I'm sorry I told Nathan. About us." I lift my head off his shoulder and look at him. I was so mad earlier, so angry that he would tell Nathan, as if he didn't have the right. But it needed to be told. It needed to be dealt with.

"I'm not." The words surprise him, I can tell. "He should know that truth. Its not fair to anyone to pretend that things are the way they were before. So much is different."

"Yeah. He told me that you told him about Dan and Deb." I can't imagine how hard it was to relive all that. Losing Keith was hard enough, but finding out that it was Dan who did it was unimaginable.

"I'm glad he talked to you. He hasn't said a word about it to me since the day I told him."

"He's still processing it all." We sit in silence again. It doesn't feel as comfortable as last time.

"So Hales, why did you call me. Why not Brooke or Chase?" This is a good question. They had been my go to people for a long time now. But I didn't feel like I needed them for this. Chase has been great but it was one thing talking to him about Coma Nathan, its different talking to him about my husband. And I love Brooke but I just wanted Luke this time.

"I needed you." I can' t give much of an explanation. I didn't even think about it before I made the call. I just knew that he was the only one I wanted to talk to.

"I thought you would hate me forever." There's that word again, hate. I didn't realize how many people thought I hated them. I guess I did a good job shutting off all my emotions. I don't think that's such a good thing.

"I never hated you." I stand up as I say it. The conversation requires too much energy to have it sitting down.

He gives a soft smile. "I never hated you either, in case you were wondering." I was. I think that I would hate me if I were him. The way I cut him out. I knew that he was hurting too.

"Why did you jump in the water?" I have been wanting to ask him since that day but never had the nerve.

"What?" I seem to have caught him off guard.

"That day, on the bridge. Why did you jump in too. I know Nathan was in there but me and your mom were asking you not to. You didn't even consider it, you just jumped." He finally stands up too. He takes my hand and looks me straight in the eyes.

"I just had to. Haley, I didn't think, you are right about that. Nathan, Cooper, Rachel, they needed help. I couldn't just stand on that bridge waiting for the sound of sirens. I needed to do something. To help." I get it. But I still hate it.

"You could have died. I could have lost you and Nathan all in one day. You both just threw yourselves down there having no idea what you would find. Not caring what happened to you, not caring who you would leave behind." I pull my hand from his and take a step back. This was all so long ago but feels so fresh.

"I had to do it Haley. I couldn't take the chance that they would die down there. I had to do it." I nod my head. There isn't really more to say about it all. I wish they hadn't jumped. They needed to jump. There isn't a clear right and wrong here. It just a terrible thing that happened.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I still don't like it. But I understand it. I do." He looks unsure. "I don't want to be mad anymore Lucas. I don't want to pick up the phone to call you because Jamie said a new word or took his first steps and realize I can't. I don't want to dread getting all of Nathan's friends together because it means you will be there. I don't want to wonder what your life is like now, wonder if you're happy, if you're doing well. I don't want to not be friends because we are both too stubborn to do anything about it."

So many times I could've reached out over this past year. So many wasted opportunities. And for what?

"I wasn't a good friend to you Luke, I took out so much of what I was feeling on you. I pushed you away because it was so much easier than letting you stay in my life. I'm sorry Luke. I really am."

"It wasn't all your fault though Haley. We both made mistakes. I shouldn't have let you push me away so easily. I knew how hurt you were, I knew that you were shutting down, putting up walls. I could see you drifting further and further away. But I didn't do anything about it. I just let you go. We are where we are because of both of us."

"So how do we fix it?"

"I think we just do this. We talk. We are honest. We just have to be in each others lives and it will work itself out. I love you Haley and I miss you like crazy." He pulls me into a hug. It's one of those hugs that makes me feel so safe. I have missed him so much.

"I love you too Luke. I don't want to miss you anymore." We stood like that for a while. Just holding each other. Letting all the stupid things go and being there. Like we should have done months ago.

We sit on the deck for hours, catching up on each others lives. I tell him all about Jamie and how I hope that once things are settled I can start taking classes, I've always wanted to be a teacher. He tells me about LA and how he is moving back to Tree Hill. That life just wasn't for him. He doesn't know where he is going next but he spends most of his free time writing.

I ask about Peyton.

"So, how does Peyton feel about your move back to Tree Hill. That's pretty long distance." He flings a small stone off the bridge into the water and we watch the rings its creates spread out and disappear.

"Well, its kind of a long story. But Peyton is not going to be living in LA anymore either." Did the internship not work out? Is she going to follow him back home? "I know what you're thinking but no, she is not giving up on her dream to follow me back here." Guess we really can fall back into our old ways. "The internship didn't really work out for her. It's been two years and she hadn't moved up at all. She didn't like the bands that she was helping represent and didn't care for the man that she was working for. She was just so unhappy."

It feels weird hearing all this now. It feels like I should have known this was all going on. Instead it's like Peyton is a stranger.

"That must have been hard." I don't really know what to say. I never really wished that Peyton would have anything bad happen to her, but I didn't exactly wish the best for her either.

"It was. It is. She is just lost right now. We both are. It kinda made it hard to keep the relationship going. We tried to lean on each other but it felt like we were just dragging each other down. I was spending my time working as a temp in all different places and she was coming home crying after work because her boss cared more about how many buttons she would pop on her blouse than her opinion about music. We decided to take a break. We aren't together right now."

"You aren't together? You seemed so together at the hospital." They broke up? And I didn't know? Did Brooke know? I can't believe she wouldn't tell me.

"We still care about each other and we aren't totally broken up, just taking a hiatus. There's a lot more that happened but I really think you need to hear some of it from Peyton. If you're planning to talk to Peyton that is."

"I am." I don't know when or how that conversation will go. But it needs to happen.

"Good. She misses you too." I wonder if they ever talked about me. I never really talked about them after. It was easier to just push them out of my mind and pretend I wasn't missing two important people from my life.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Luke."

"Me too. But you're here now."

I'm nervous walking up to my front door. Nathan has to be pissed at me. Running out and leaving during a fight is not the way that I want to handle things. If he had done that to me I would not be happy.

I stand outside on the doorstep and take a deep breath. Time to face it.

"Nathan? I'm sorry I left like that, I just needed some time." I look around the kitchen and living room for him. He isn't there so I move to the bedroom. Jamie is sound asleep but no sign of Nathan. He has to be here there is no way that he would have left Jamie alone. The porch.

I slide the door open and find him sitting outside with a beer in hand. I wonder if that is his first.

"Nathan?" He turns to look at me but doesn't say anything. "Nathan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to all come out like that. And running away was stupid and immature. I'm sorry." He looks at me but still not a word.

"Please just say something." He puts the beer down and stands up to walk over to me.

"I love you." Okay. I was not expecting that.

"What?"

"I love you. After you left I was mad. But I was more hurt and confused. I sat here watching Jamie play and thought about everything you were saying. About how angry and scared and sad you are. For the first time I really thought about what it was like for you. I mean, I had thought about it of course. But it didn't really sink in. How all this would change you. You have held so much together for two years without me. You have raised a beautiful son, kept him fed and clothed. Gave up college to work so you can support our family. I was told you visited me a few times a week at least. Of course you're different than the girl I left."

He wraps his arms around my waist and looks right into my eyes.

"I'm back now. I'm here to help with everything. You don't have to be scared anymore, you don't have to put up walls and push people away. We can' be just like we were before, but we could be better. I love you Haley James Scott. No matter how you have changed." I didn't expect this. I expected round two.

"Nathan. When I lost you it changed everything. I made a lot of mistakes, and I know that. But it was so hard. It took seconds for my life to change. You told me you loved me and dove in the water and then you were gone. For years. I've been so afraid since then. I feel like I could lose anyone that I love at any second. It was so much easier to just push people away. I couldn't survive losing someone else."

"You didn't lose me. I'm right here."

"I know. You are here. And things are different know. It's like I am waking up too." He pulls me into his arms. I don't even know what to say. I have said so much already tonight. Yelling at Nathan, while horrible, was like lifting a weight that I had been carrying since our wedding day. I don't have to be mad anymore. I don't have to do it all alone anymore. I can break down and lose it and take the time to rebuild all that I've lost. Because Nathan is here.

We stand in each others arms just taking it all in. I don't think I could feel any happier than this moment.

And then I hear the rain.

He grabs my hand and pulls me to the edge of the porch where the overhang doesn't quite cover. The rain starts slow and picks up speed. He kisses me and it feels as amazing as it did the first time we made up in the rain. The night he proposed.

Standing in the rain with Nathan I know that things are going to change. The worst two years of my life are over. I'm ready for whatever comes next.


End file.
